I’ve said not once but twice publicly on the blog that I didn’t want any more children. Now we’re pregnant.
If you haven’t read my reasons for not wanting another child, then read ‘I Don’t Want Another Child’. (UPDATE* You can’t read it anymore, DadvWorld no longer exists) The short version is that I was worried about how having another child would affect things with the current children.
In case you’re new here, I already have 3 children. Two of them are my step-daughters and then there’s Corben. They’re all loved equally and mean the same to me, I just wanted to make that clear before we move on to what I’m about to say next.
I wasn’t present for either of their births, that would have been weird wouldn’t it! HA! My relationship with the girls is obviously a touch different to my relationship with Corben. They’re out at school all day and go to see their dad a couple of night a week, so things are different. Corben is obviously with me all of the time and has no other outside influences from a parenting perspective.
I like to make this all clear as a lot of parenting posts by me, David can seem as though they’re aimed at Corben only and that’s because in biological terms he is my first child.
When Corben was born it had such an effect on me I’ve never been the same since. Becoming a dad has been the absolute making of me and I’ll be forever in debt to Corben for what he’s brought me. Motivation, confidence and a completely fresh outlook on how I see the world and want to live my life. It’s incredible.
In my mind, that’s what makes having another child difficult. How can that be replicated?
It was August/September 2017 when Donetta said to me ‘I think I want another baby’. She’d been worried to bring it up for a while because whenever it had been mentioned online or in general conversations, I’d obviously responded in the way I explained in the blog I’ve linked at the beginning. I’ll be honest, I never thought for a second, Donetta having 3 children already and being 36 years old, that she’d want another.
Clearly, I called it wrong.
Ladies, don’t be getting all hot and flustered at my age comment, my line of thinking was purely based on Donetta, not all women. We had and have a very fulfilling life and I had the impression that at 31 and 36 with 3 children in total, we were done.
Donetta had other plans. She brought it up and my immediate reaction was ‘Fuck, this is going to be a problem’. I’d already convinced myself that we were done and I was more than happy with what we had. Knowing that Donetta wouldn’t be bringing this up if she hadn’t thought it through, I knew I had to hear her out so we could re-evaluate things and make a joint decision on what we wanted.
Donetta put across her point that Corben’s pregnancy all went too quickly, we had only been together for 3 months before we fell pregnant. It was all a whirlwind and she never had the feeling that it would be the last time she would be pregnant and experience bringing another life into the world. She felt there was still a sense of not being done and adding to that the fact she was getting older, she knew it was now or never.
Again, not never because she’d be too old to have a baby, but because she wouldn’t want another at a much older age.
Hearing all that how could I say no! I immediately took my pants off… HA!
I didn’t. I let it all float around in my head, knowing what a commitment it would be to have a fourth child. I went back to thinking about my earlier mindset on the reasons I’d convinced myself I didn’t want another. All of the emotions and the impact having Corben had on me, how could it be replicated?
It can’t and that’s OK. That’s the change I’ve had in my mindset. It won’t be the same, but that’s absolutely fine. It doesn’t mean it won’t be any less magical or I won’t fall head over heels in love all over again with our new little baby, I know I certainly will. This time around it won’t be the same at all, nothing needs to be replicated, we’re having a girl too so it’ll be completely different.
Once I’d had time to think it through and re-evaluate my mindset, it became clear to me that adding another child to our family would complete us all. Not that there was anything missing before but another little person in the family will be such a special thing.
This time we know it’s our last so can savour the moments and enjoy the whole experience.
It took us over a year to fall pregnant, it actually happened after we’d not spoken about it for a few months too. I thought I’d got away with it HA!
I thought it would be interesting to share my thought processes on how I changed my mind about having another child and how I’m now very excited and glad we made such a great decision together.
After this one I’m having my cock chopped off though.